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The Skill of Confidence: No-BS Guide to Stop Faking It & Start Living

The Problem with Faking It


Let’s cut the crap. Self-help gurus are peddling a fantasy. They sell a shiny, airbrushed version of confidence. Everyone is so charming. They radiate charisma with a perfect glow. They close million-dollar deals in their sleep.


You know it's a lie. But you get sucked in.


man and woman profile image on black background

And they tell you, “fake it ‘til you make it.” It’s catchy. On the surface, it seems to make sense. Act confident, and eventually, you’ll become confident. There’s even a grain of truth to it.


And of course, you want to believe it.


There’s a psychological principle called behavioral activation. Acting in a certain way can influence how you feel. Stand up straight. Make eye contact. Speak clearly. You might actually start to feel more confident.


Your brain receives feedback from your body. It adjusts your emotional state accordingly. So, in the short term, “faking it” can initiate confident behaviors. It can even be useful when you understand the real truth behind it.


But here’s the problem: “faking it” is not sustainable.


It’s like a band-aid on a broken bone. It might temporarily cover the pain. It doesn’t address the underlying issue. Constantly pretending is exhausting. It’s inauthentic. It’s ineffective for building real confidence.


Think of building a house. “Faking it ‘til you make it” is like putting up a facade. It might look good outside. But if the foundation is weak, it will crumble. Real confidence is about building a solid foundation.Then, you construct the rest of the house.


True confidence isn’t a performance. It’s about addressing the root causes of insecurity. It’s about cultivating self-acceptance. It's about challenging negative self-talk.


It's about developing real skills and competence. It's about consistently stepping outside your comfort zone.


It’s about building self-worth, not just wearing a temporary mask.


The Skill of Confidence: Handling Your Shit


Here’s the cold, hard truth: life is suffering. We all suffer in some way. And that is the ultimate equalizer.


It’s a relentless cycle of setbacks and disappointments. It has moments where you feel inadequate, like you’re drowning.


That’s not a bug. It’s a feature.


circle representing the nature of existence with four quadrants for fire, air, earth and water

It’s the nature of existence. Nietzsche, that pessimistic German philosopher, said it best:


“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”-Nietzsche

He wasn't kidding.


Confidence isn’t about avoiding quicksand. It’s about learning to navigate it. It’s about building resilience. It’s about pulling yourself out when stuck. It’s about developing inner strength. It’s about facing your fears.


Even when your hands shake and you can barely hold a glass of water. It's about accepting that you will get stuck.


And that's okay. Because you are not alone in that.


The Neuroplasticity of Confidence: Rewiring Your Mind for Resilience


The Science of Brain-Forged Confidence 

Let’s get to the biological details. There’s a concept called neuroplasticity. Your brain isn’t static. It’s dynamic and ever-changing. It constantly rewires itself.


This is based on your experiences, actions, and thoughts. You forge new neural pathways every time you step outside your comfort zone. You strengthen existing ones. You’re reshaping your brain. You’re molding it into a more resilient version of itself.


It’s like mental weightlifting. You tear down the old to build something stronger.


Taming the Beast: Mastering Fear with Your Prefrontal Cortex 

There’s a dance between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. The prefrontal cortex is your brain’s decision-making center.


The amygdala is your primal fear center. Confront your fears consistently. This trains your prefrontal cortex. It takes the reins. It overrides the amygdala’s fear-based reactions. You take control of your emotions.


You become less reactive and more intentional. This is the biological basis of courage.


Dopamine Hits: The Chemical Fuel of Confidence 

Let’s not forget dopamine. It’s a neurotransmitter. It’s associated with reward, motivation, and learning. Achieve a goal, even a small one. Your brain releases dopamine.


This reinforces the behavior. This isn’t about chasing highs. It’s about establishing habits. It’s about creating a positive feedback loop.


This loop drives you forward. Research shows dopamine isn't just about the pleasure of reward. It's about the anticipation and motivation to seek rewards. It's the engine of learning. It's the engine of adaptation.


The Confidence Myths: Traps That Keep You Stuck


Myth #1: Confident People Are Immune to Fear

Absolute garbage. Fear is a fundamental human emotion. It’s woven into our DNA. It’s part of our survival mechanism. Confident people aren’t devoid of fear. They’re masters of it.


They feel the fear. They acknowledge it. Then they act anyway. They don’t let fear paralyze them.


They use it as fuel.


confident man and woman portrait in blue

Mark Twain said it best:


“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”-Mark Twain

Myth #2: Confidence is a Straight Line Up

More nonsense. Confidence isn’t a straight line. It’s a rollercoaster. Some days you feel like a superhero. Other days, you feel like a failure. That’s the nature of being human.


Don’t let those dips derail you. Don’t let them define you.


"The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life; acknowledge the great powers around us and in us.”-Euripides

Myth #3: Confidence is Something You're Born With

Again more crap. Confidence is a learned skill. It’s developed through experience. It’s refined through effort.


It’s about choosing to grow even when it’s painful.


Nobody is born knowing how to handle their problems. They learn through trial and error. They learn by falling down and getting back up.


How to Forge Real, Unshakable Confidence (The No-BS Way)


Embrace the Grind: Conquer Your Comfort Zone 

Life is uncomfortable. It’s full of uncertainty, ambiguity, and pain.


The more you avoid these things, the weaker you become. The more you embrace them, the stronger you get. It’s like building muscle. You have to tear down old fibers. Then you build new, stronger ones.


image of a man leaping off a cliff into the unknown with clouds and light in the distance

Build Real Confidence Through Consistent Action 

Break it down.


Don’t try to conquer the world in one day. Start with small steps. Focus on incremental progress. Focus on small wins. Celebrate them. They are building blocks.


“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”-Lao Tzu

Silence Your Inner Critic (Because It’s a Malicious, Self-Sabotaging Bastard)

That nagging voice tells you you’re not good enough. It says you’ll fail. It calls you a fraud. It’s lying. It’s based on fear, insecurity, and past traumas. Challenge those negative thoughts. Interrogate them.


image of a person sitting on a chessboard listening to their angry inner critic and negative self-talk

Ask yourself: “Is this true? Or am I letting my insecurities win?” This process of questioning your negative thoughts is a core principle of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).


CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns. It provides practical tools for reframing distorted thoughts, such as:


  • Identifying Negative Automatic Thoughts: Recognizing the immediate, negative thoughts that pop into your head.

  • Challenging the Evidence: Examining the evidence for and against those thoughts.

  • Developing Alternative, More Balanced Thoughts: Creating more realistic and helpful ways of thinking.


Test Your Limits: Forging New Capabilities

Push yourself outside your comfort zone. Try new things. Take calculated risks. Face your fears. This is where the magic happens.


This is where you build lasting confidence. This is where you become who you’re meant to be.


Your Body and Real Confidence

Standing tall, shoulders back, head high. These actions are more than just looking confident; they are about training for confidence.


When you stand tall, you boost testosterone levels, the hormone linked to dominance and confidence, while simultaneously reducing cortisol, the stress hormone.


Embracing Genuine Confidence:


  • confident woman with upright posture

    Posture: Adopt an open, confident stance. Imagine a string pulling you up from the crown of your head. Roll your shoulders back and keep your chest open. This signals confidence to others and triggers hormonal changes in your body.


  • Smile: Smiling can be a game-changer. When you smile, even if it feels forced at first, it can release neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins—natural mood lifters. Smiling in social interactions can also make you appear more approachable and trustworthy.


  • Eye Contact: Making steady eye contact can exude confidence and show that you are engaged and present. It helps build rapport and trust.


The Science Behind It:


  • Increased Testosterone: Higher testosterone levels boost confidence and assertiveness.

  • Decreased Cortisol: Lower cortisol levels reduce stress and anxiety.

  • Dopamine, Serotonin, and Endorphins: These neurotransmitters elevate mood, reduce stress, and promote a sense of well-being.


Understanding the science behind these behaviors and integrating them authentically into your life means you’re not just "faking" confidence.


You harness your body's natural responses to build genuine, sustainable confidence.


So, stand tall, smile, and let your body work its magic!


The Power of Connection

Surround yourself with supportive people. Find people who challenge you. Find people who inspire you.


Avoid toxic people.


image of a toothed dinosaur in a top had signifying toxic people and people who bring you down

They drain your energy.


They undermine your confidence. Jim Rohn said:

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

Choose your tribe wisely. They will either lift you or drag you down.


Stop Seeking External Validation

This is key. True confidence comes from within. It doesn’t come from social media likes. It doesn’t come from promotions. It doesn’t come from others’ approval. It’s about accepting yourself. Flaws and all.


It’s about recognizing your inherent worth. This is regardless of what others think. It’s about developing self-respect. It’s about knowing you are capable. It’s about knowing you are resilient. It’s about knowing you are enough.

"Talk about your struggles. Your vulnerability is your power." -Brené Brown

Embrace your imperfections. They make you interesting.


They make you human.


The Importance of Values

Confidence without values is arrogance. It’s empty. It’s hollow.


It’s like a ship without a rudder. It’s tossed about by circumstance. You need guiding principles. You need a moral compass. This directs your actions. It gives meaning to your efforts.


What do you stand for?

What do you believe in?

What kind of person do you want to be?

vintage compass signifying pointing true north to your values and principles for more confidence

When you know the answers to these questions, you build real confidence.


Your values are your North Star. They guide you when lost. They anchor you when adrift. They give you courage. They allow you to stand up for your beliefs. Even when unpopular.


They give you the strength to say no. Even when difficult.


The Power of Action

Self-reflection is good. Theoretical knowledge is good. Motivational speeches are good. But they are useless without action.


Confidence is built by doing. It’s built by facing fears. It’s built by taking risks. It’s built by putting yourself out there.


Even when scary. It’s about showing yourself you are capable. You are resilient. You can handle anything.


Action breeds confidence. Inaction breeds doubt and fear.


It’s simple. The more you act, the more confident you become.

man moving forward taking action for building confidence

The more you hesitate, the more confidence erodes. Don't overthink. Don't wait for the perfect moment.


Just start.


"The most effective way to do it, is to do it."-Amelia Earhart

The Role of Failure

Failure is inevitable. It’s part of being human. Don’t fear it. Don’t avoid it. Embrace it. Failure is a learning opportunity. It’s a chance to grow. It’s a chance to adapt.


It’s a chance to become stronger. It’s a chance to refine your approach. It’s a chance to correct mistakes. It’s a chance to return more determined.


True confidence isn’t avoiding failure. It’s about how you respond.


Do you let it crush you? Or fuel you? Do you let it define you? Or use it as a stepping stone?


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”-Thomas Edison

Confidence is a Marathon, Not a Sprint (and You’re Going to Get Muddy)

Confidence isn’t a destination. It’s a continuous process. It’s a lifelong journey. It’s about growth, learning, and self-acceptance. It’s about facing fears.


It’s about embracing discomfort. It’s about moving forward. Even when hard. Even when covered in mud.


It’s about building a life of meaning.

It’s about building a life of purpose.

It’s about truly living, not just faking it.


Confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. It’s about accepting imperfections. It’s about embracing vulnerabilities. It’s about recognizing that you are enough.


Stop trying to be someone else. Start doing the work. Start facing your fears. Start embracing the suck. Build real, unshakable confidence. It comes from knowing you can handle anything.


Nobody else will do this for you. This is your journey. This is your responsibility.


This is your life.


Own it.


Until next time,


Jerod

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Who is Jerod Foos?

I am an entrepreneur and motivation expert. I talk about human performance and personal growth. I am obsessed with building positivity, human potential, and lifestyle design.

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